Remember the grids we did in school? An x formula by a y formula would make one point and eventually various points would make a picture?
That's sort of how I'm looking at life as of late. The decisions I make in my career - in my life - are various x and y formulas. The goal is to make my dreams come true.
To be frank, when I first started this blog (waaaaaay back in 2010) I wanted attention. Fame, even. To be rich, definitely. I saw other girls - who I knew I was just as smart/stylish/articulate/creative as - doing this blogging thing, traveling, getting freebies and most importantly, PAID to take outfit pictures. I copycatted, tried to do things I sucked at (remember Atlanta Style Bloggers + Style Bloggers of Color?) Not to mention I was making pennies attempting for attention and fame. And I cared waaaaaaay too much about what everyone from my assistant, interns and other bloggers thought about me. Nearly 5 years later, I see how much work it takes. And now, attention and fame isn't a goal. And funny enough, I actually make money. The kind that can pay my bills. And my goals have changed drastically. And while I respect the people I work with and you lovely folks who read my blog, whether or not you agree with the moves I make doesn't affect my decision to do what I want.
My new goals? Honestly, a lot of the things I want to do haven't changed but why I want to do them has. I like the positive feedback and attention I get from the blog and my social media, but more than anything else I want to be inspiring. And I don't need to be rich, I just want to be able to pay my mortgage, all of my other bills and at least be able to afford one really dope vacation for my family to go on every year. Am I going to revisit some of the ideas I executed poorly? Possibly. But my focus is no longer a selfish, unattainable crock. It's about turning on the light bulb for others. It's about creating a flexible + comfortable lifestyle. It's about family.
Be clear. I'm still the over the top Mattie who wants to be an Oprah + Beyonce + Kelly Ripa hybrid. I want to be the reason the masses know about Liberia (aside from connecting it to Ebola). And I want to do that all while wearing red lipstick and big hair. But if it doesn't make sense for my family, then it no longer makes sense for me. If I become famous and rich while making my family a priority, great. But as long as we're living comfortably (to me that means debt free + paying the bills) then mission accomplished.
I've always wanted to be a wife and a mother and have an amazing career where I dictated the rules. To me, that's having it all. And there was no good enough reason why I couldn't do that. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else but me. Kind of like personal style. And now, as I connect the dots on the grid to my dreams, the big picture is becoming clear. Crystal clear.